Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Holy shit dude........stairs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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