Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
