I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
