I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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