It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
