i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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