I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
