Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
