she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
