I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
