Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
