when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
