Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
