I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
