it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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