I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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