The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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