I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
