No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
