oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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