tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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