Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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