i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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