if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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