Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I want a musical about memes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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