Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
