Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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