My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
