And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
