My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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