I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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