I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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