I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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