omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
