he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
