I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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