Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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