are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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