I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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