Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
