feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
MIDGETS
????
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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