"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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