Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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