But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
