There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
