You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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