Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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