I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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