FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
