Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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