are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
