Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
